


Nothing

by doctorgayass



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Catra Sad, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, does this count as hurt/comfort?, im not sure, still tagging it as that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:47:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24793348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorgayass/pseuds/doctorgayass
Summary: Catra's thought process during Save The Cat, fighting with her own internal monologue
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56





	Nothing

"So this is it, I'm dying."

She said it to herself, not as a question, but as a statement. Not an angry one, or a heartbroken one. Just a simple statement, as if she were talking about the weather. After spending her entire life fighting against this very thing, this concept of nothingness, of being nothing, Catra was surprised with how quickly she accepted this. She's always seen death as weak. It was something that happened to stupid people, to people that didn't have what it takes to survive. And she had what it takes. No matter what Shadow Weaver or Hordak said. But in that moment, she was okay with being weak or stupid. Just in that moment, standing in the nothingness, she was okay.

She could just barely feel the throb of pain course through her body. She just stood there, embracing the Nothing, feeling peaceful for the first time since the skiff and the sword. Since Adora was just Adora, and not She Ra. Her Adora.

At that thought, she felt a pang of regret in her heart, and her Nothingness no longer had nothing. 

She remembered what had happened, what caused her to enter her Nothing. It felt like a lifetime ago, and maybe it was. Time didn’t exist, all that did was the increasing sense of regret flooding her body. She remembered fighting Adora, except it wasn’t her. It was Prime. She was just the vessel, the tool, just like she was to Shadow Weaver, the Horde. Except before, she had a choice. Here, she didn’t. Her body wasn’t her own, and she remembered the feeling of shame and anger. 

Angry, not just at Prime, but herself. 

She didn’t just remember it, she felt it. She felt the shame and anger rush through her body like a punch to the face. She felt it when Adora punched her in the face. She knew that she had pushed too far, that Adora would stop coming back. 

Except she did come back.

And that made her even more angry.

"What happened to you?"

Startled, Catra turned to find the source of the voice, only to stare into yellow and blue eyes matching her own. A younger Catra wearing her training uniform stared back, looking disappointed and confused. 

"What happened," She repeated, "We were going to rule the world. How could you give up?"

Inhaling sharply, Catra took a shaky step back. "I -I don't know. It became too much."

The other just smiled and shook her head. "Of course it was too much. You never wanted that. It was never the power you were after. We both know it." 

The impostor morphed into an even smaller Catra, a Catra that still had hope as long as Adora was by her side. 

"You wanted her." On cue, an equally small Adora appeared and grabbed her hand. "You wanted her, and she wanted you. So what happened?"

Memories of running through the Fright Zone entered her mind. The laughter, joy, and pure happiness she felt around Adora. All of that, disappearing so suddenly. 

“I messed up. I was angry and I messed up.” She tried to swallow the lump in her throat and closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry, only to open them again when feeling a little tug at her shirt. Little Adora looked up at her, a scratch on her cheek and her eyes wide with tears spilling over.

“Why did you do that? Why did you hurt me?”

Catra choked back a sob while watching her childhood best friend morph into the Adora hanging from the cliff, except without the begging and sad eyes.

“How could you let me fall?” Her voice was steel and her eyes had an anger that Catra had never seen before. “We were supposed to look after each other, but you just let me fall.”

Catra lunged forward, grabbing Adora by the wrist, keeping her from falling.

Catra whimpered. “Please. I’m sorry.”

“You’re trying to save me now?” Adora laughed. “It’s a bit late for that. After all, you did try to kill me. And my friends.” Her voice grew harder with each word. “You kidnapped my friends, you attacked my home, you tried to destroy this universe, and for what.”

Tears burned at her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she cried out weakly

“I always believed in you, you know. Even after all that. But I guess I was just a fool”

Catra started slipping. “No. Please.” She tugged, trying to bring her back up. “Please let me make this better.”

She desperately pulled back, looking for something to hold onto, anything to help her, but there was nothing. Nothing stopping Adora from falling, except for her own weak hand. 

“I would, but it seems that you’ve died.”

She kept her eyes locked on Catra’s as she fell, until she disappeared from sight.

"No!" She screamed. Throwing her fist down she cried out some more "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I didn't mean to. I didn't want to hurt you, I'm sorry. I was just upset and -and I'm sorry."

“But you did want to hurt her. You were so angry, and at what?”

She looked up to see herself from mere moments ago, wearing the white horde uniform, staring into her with those piercing green eyes. 

Prime-Catra continued to speak. “You claim to have been angry with her for leaving, but that wasn’t it, now was it?”

Catra stared back, breathing deeply until finally breaking. 

“I was angry at myself! I was angry and upset and pissed that I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough to become Force Captain, I wasn’t enough for Hordak, I wasn’t enough for Adora,” she looked down in shame. “I wasn’t enough to survive and I have no one to blame but myself.”

“But you’re not dead yet.” Young Catra was back, staring at her with her hopeful eyes. “You’re not dead yet and you can still fight.”

“And fight for what,” Catra asked, sounding broken.

“Adora. She still wants you.”

She screamed out. “Well she shouldn’t! After everything I did, she shouldn’t still want me. She shouldn’t have come back and she shouldn’t still be fighting for me.” She fell back, sobbing. “I don’t deserve it.”

“She’s forgiven you, why can’t you forgive yourself?” She gestured to a vision behind her, almost like a screen, showing Adora, fending off horde clones while holding a limp Catra over her shoulder. “She’s willing to fight, to save you. Why aren’t you?”

They both watched as She Ra used her sword to send out a blast of magic, knocking back the clones, wearing a fierce look of determination that Catra has seen Adora wear in only the most important of battles. Normally against her, but this time for her. It was mind boggling, how she was still fighting for her, even after everything that had happened. 

Young Catra glanced back down and lent out a hand. “You need to fight, if not for your sake, for hers. You owe her that much.”

She stared back, conflicted with a war of emotions battling behind her eyes. Silence washed over them, as she tried to make a decision, only to nod her head and stand up. 

“I need to make things better. I have to make things better.”

With a small smile, the younger Catra disappeared, along with the rest of the Nothing. Slowly, Catra came back to her senses, feeling the pain in her limbs, the harsh lights beat at her eyelids, and noticing the strong arms that held her. Painfully, she opened her eyes to see Adora, but without the hardness and pain she normally saw on the battlefield. She saw an Adora she wasn’t sure she’d see again. Her Adora. She let a small smile slip out while meeting her saviour’s eyes.

“Hey Adora”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
